Now for the Maricopa County Snake, Tick and Owl market report, courtesy of Hoo Boy Tick Farms of Ajo, and Mother Tucker's Tick Kitchens, the largest Tick Research facility in the Southwest. "A Hoo Boy tick is smart, and if your tick smarts, it's a Hoo Boy!"

First of all, the Tick Receipts for today: We received one carload of ticks at the Hoo Boy exchange. The car was a '55 Nash Metropolitan, pick, brown and white in color, with a necker's knob, fuzzy dice, and mudflaps.

Tick prices reported from the national Stockyards in East St. Louis: Booger County Commons up one penny; Hoo Boy hardback white dot crushproof dry Valley Wonders up 5 cents; Dog Ticks: Canners and Cutters, a few gobbies, some culls down a penny from yesterday's late trade; Prime Softshell Hoo Boy sapsuckers holding steady at a three dollar bill per bushel. Our new Poultry and Housepet tick, developed by Mother Tucker's Tick Research Laboratories, the Marcoot Marvel, topped the market at a two dollar bill.

Moving on to the snake market, receipts were mixed this week, with Blacksnakes topping the market at bidding of three cents a foot. Rattlers were steady, a few old and cull Copperheads a cent up, Cottonmouths running a cent a bale higher. A lot of Chickensnakes for sale this week, because they aren't laying on account of the hot weather. Garter snakes hold up well, and if you are thinking of stocking Snakes, Garters aren't a bad idea. The Hoopsnake market seems to have no end to it having come full circle from last month's low of 1/2 cent per foot.

Hassayampa Sand Catfish are doing well, and sales are brisk.

Hoot owl eggs are moving well, as are Buzzard eggs, both kinds topping the Grade AA market at three cents apiece.

Remember to clean those eggs up if you want the best prices. A clean egg is a better selling egg! Getting all that glop off them before you bring them in can make a lot of difference in the price. Nothing turns the housewife off like seeing Mouse gooblies on her future omelet.

Our biggest St. Louis buyer advises us that Lizardfat, Owlfat, Snakefat, Muskratfat, coonfat, possumfat, and bobcatfat are not selling at the present time. Batfat, selling at five dollars a Lard stand, is where it's at and that's that.

When shipping your stock to Hoo Boy, be sure to bundle your Snakes to prevent injury in transit. Do NOT ship Ticks with thumps, pinkeye, or thrush. Hoot Owl and Buzzard eggs should be packed in original containers, which we will return.

Head lice and Seed Ticks should be shipped separately as they are easily confused. When in doubt, we pay the Chigger price.

Good God, Martha, let's get out of here!