Banjo: a Vicious Habit
An Illustrated Moral Tale of Uplifting Content
Written for the Edification of Our Young People
As a matter of course, Mothers of Good Family warn their daughters about Banjo
Players, Rock Musicians, Programmers and other such low-life Rounders that might
take advantage of their tender young Womanhood. Sadly, the romantic appeal of the
Banjo Player will slip into their tender young psyches and thus, they are ruined for life. |
|
|
|
|
|
His time with his family grows less and less, as he plays more and more Banjo
tunes, becomes fascinated with Earl Scruggs, Doug Dillard and Bela Fleck, and
sighs over the few Female Banjo Players
(and what a depraved breed they are!). His children are reduced to selling matches on the Street, clad only in rags. They
are mocked by others and icicles form upon their noses. Oh, the Horror of it all!
He locks himself in the bathroom to read the latest catalogs from Gruhn and the Mandolin
Brothers. His wrist becomes very strong. |
|
There is No Cure. Even Banjos Anonymous cannot help this one, for he is too far gone in his Depravity. He hangs about bar rooms and coffee houses with other depraved types like
fiddlers, guitarists and mandolin players and tends to eat toothpicks. He criticizes Pete Seeger and he visits Music Stores in strange places. |
|
He learns to play the old Clawhammer style and affects Hats from the 1940's. He begins to play Old Time Music. He reads Cherry Poptart comic books, "Tiajuana Bibles," sings Depraved Songs about Murders and Desperate
Escapades, and reads "Banjo Newsletter." Evangelists devote Tracts to him. Ultimately, the Addiction will run it's course, and the banjo player will Pass On
to whatever reward is waiting for him on the Other Side. |
