Filk fen, fake fen, neofen and all,
Come up to the filk room and have yourselves a ball.
Check your swords and dungeon plans and phasers at the door,
And we’ll sing you science fiction songs you’ve never seen before.

Gandalf was a lightshow man to make your party swing,
He toured around the discos where the elven groovers sing.
A rumble in a cellar club gave him such a fright,
He got Born Again For Manwe and changed his suit to white.

Morbius and Altaira were living all alone,
With half a world of generators just to light their home.
But when she loved a sailor as the nice girls always do,
Daddy pushed a button and the whole caboodle blew.

Once a clever Doctor built a creature huge and grim,
That wrecked his place and killed his girl and ran away with him.
He thought his scientific skill would win him endless fame,
But everyone thinks Frankenstein must be the Monster’s name.

Kimball was a Lensman, a hero born and bred,
With blasters in his steely fists and muscles in his head.
He slaughtered things with tentacles and pirates brave and bold,
And left his kids to end the job when he was getting old.

Mike was raised by Martians, a crazy mixed up kid,
It blew his mind to find what human men and women did.
He ran a swingers’ commune, of the Law he had no fear,
Because he knew the way to make policemen disappear.

Tarl was once a Tarnsman in the skies of Gor the first,
And when he chained a woman down she surely feared the worst.
But twenty pages later she could not believe her luck,
To find Gorean warriors would rather talk than fight.

Lessa was a kitchen maid with plans to get ahead,
She eyed a passing Dragonman and wound up in his bed.
While drinking in the Harperhall she heard a funny rhyme,
And saw the way to save the day by finding friends in Time.

Jim was once a slippery rat with nerves of stainless steel,
They offered him a badge the day they laid him by the heels.
He caught a lovely psychopath and made the girl his wife,
And then in every crisis she was there to save his life.

James T Kirk was Captain, as everyone must know,
And Where No Man Has Gone Before he’s bound To Boldly Go.
He took a five year mission but he really should complain,
For thirty years have passed and still he’s Boldly Gone again.

New York City is a place of legend and of lore
Then they got a spindizzy and took off with a roar
Took up bein' peddlers for a dollar and a dime
They all lived forever, down to the end of Time!

Lee and Barry Gold came walkin' in the door
Laid out 300 songbooks all across the floor
Barry hit a chord, we think it was "A flat"
Lee hit a high "C" and killed the neighbor's cat //OY!//

Leslie Fish comes out at dusk to filk the night away
Goes back to bed at the dawning of the day
Why does she do that? What's the status quo?
The answer is quite simple: She's a VAMPIRE don't y'know!