Young folks, old folks, everybody come
Join our happy Sunday School, and have a lot of fun
Come and join the Bible school and have a a lot of fun
Join our happy Sunday School and make yourself t'home
Please check your chewing gum and raisins at the door
Please check your gum and erasers at the door
Park your chewing gum and raisins at the door
Please leave your gum and rubber bands by the door.
Bring your sticks of chewing-gum and park them on the floor
Be sure to park your chewing gum with Rastus at the door
And you'll hear some Bible stories that you've never heard before
Old folks, young folks, everybody come.
Join the darkies' Sunday School and make yourself at home.
Bring your sticks of chewing gum and sit upon the floor
And we'll tell you Bible Stories that you've never heard before.
An alternative last two lines are:
Bring your sticks of dynamite and sit upon the floor
And I'll blow you all to heaven where you've never been before
This seems to be the original chorus:
Young folks, old folks, everybody come,
To the Darkie Sunday School and have a lot of fun
Please check your chewing gum and razors at the door,
And we'll tell you Bible stories that you've never heard before
while the songbook I found has it this way:
Old folks, young folks, everybody come
Join the Baptist Sunday School and make yourself to hum;
Place to check your chewing gum and razors at the door
And you'll hear some gospel stories that you never heard before.
and another source has it this way:
Walk in, walk in, walk in, I say,
Walk into the parlor and hear the children play,
Walk into the parlor, and hear the children sing,
And watch old pappy's fingers as he picks upon a string.
- The world was made in six days and finished on the seventh
According to the contract it should have been the eleventh
But the union called a strike and the workers wouldn't work
But the carpenter got lazy, and the plumber wouldn't work,
But the carpenters got drunk, and the masons wouldn't work,
But the painters wouldn't paint it and the workers wouldn't work,
But the masons got mad and the carpenters wouldn't work
So the only thing that they could do was fill it up with dirt
So they had to find an Irishman to fill it up with dirt.
So the cheapest thing to do was to fill it up with dirt
- When they finished with the firmament they started on the sky
They hung it overhead and they left it there to dry
They studded it with stars made of pretty angel's eyes
To give us a little light when the moon forgot to rise
- God made Satan, Satan made sin
God made a hot place to keep Satan in
Satan didn't like it so he said he wouldn't stay
He's been acting like the devil ever since that day
- God created Lucifer and Lucifer made sin,
God created a hot place to put that Satan in.
The Devil didn't like it and he said he wouldn't stay,
And he goes round making trouble, everywhere and every day.
- God made Satan, and Satan made sin.
God made a cubbyhole to put Satan in.
Satan got mad and said he wouldn't stay.
The Lord said "You gotta, 'cause you can't get away."
- The devil was an angel before he went astray.
He spent all night in a New York cabaret.
He couldn't find his key, so he rang Saint Peter's bell.
Saint Peter stuck his head out and he said to go to Hell.
Saint Peter stuck his head out and he said to go to bed.
ADAM & EVE
- Adam was the first man that ever was invented
He lived all his life and never was contented
He was made of clay in the days gone by
And hung on a fence in the sun to dry
- Adam was the first man, and he lived all alone,
Til Eve was manufactured out of Adam's collar bone;
They went into the garden to pick a bowl of fruit,
And all that they got was the order of the boot.
- Now, when the earth was finished in this awful dirty way,
It took the Lord a long time for to find Himself some clay;
He fashioned Mr. Adam out of a big mud pie,
And set him up along the fence to let the feller dry.
- Adam was the first man that ever was invented
Along came Eve and then he was contented
Then came the Serpent, knocking at the door
Eve et the apple and Adam et the core
- Adam was the first man, we all do believe
He had a wife and her name was Eve
She was fair to look upon, and oh how she could dance
And her dress was made of shredded wheat, and so were Adam's pants
- Adam was the first man that ever was invented
He lived all alone and he never was contented
Made out of clay and hung out to dry
Along came Eve and she socked him in the eye.
- Adam was the first man that's what we all believe
Till one day he was filleted and introduced to Eve.
There was no one to show him, but he soon found out the way
And that's the only reason that we're sitting here today.
- Adam was a quiet very easy-going man
He didn't chew tobacco and he didn't rush the can
But he stole a watermelon which he hadn't orter done
He heard the cop a-comin' and you should have seen him run
- Adam was the first man, and Eve was the other.
Cain was a wicked man, 'cause he killed his brother.
Old Mother Eve couldn't sleep without her piller
And the strongest man that ever lived was Jack the Giant Killer.
- Along came Eve and they had a mighty battle
She picked up a club and knocked down an apple
She climbed up a tree and knocked down an apple,
She knocked down two and they both ate one
And that's how the trouble in the world begun
- Along came Eve with a basket of fruit,
Adam winked at her and though she was mighty cute
So she picked up some apples and they each had one
And ever since then the trouble's begun
- Adam was a gardener and Eve was his spouse
They got the sack for stealing fruit and took to keeping house
They lived a very quiet life and peaceful in the main
'Til Eve had a baby and they started raising Cain
- Adam was the first man, Miss Eve was his spouse;
They lived in the garden in a pretty little house.
Everything was cozy 'till the first son came;
They moved into the suburbs and they started raising Cain.
- Adam was a gardener and Eve a gardeneress.
They raised Cain and Abel, and cabbages and cress.
But Adam took to drinking and they had to pull up stakes,
And beat it for the Keely Cure, 'cause he was seein' snakes!
CAIN & ABEL
- Cain he raised potatoes and he peddled 'em in town
Abel called him hayseed every time he came around
Cain he laid a stick o' wood on brother Abel's head
And when he took the stick away, he found poor Able dead.
- Adam had two sons who didn't quite agree
The psychiatrists they conferred and said " 'Twas sibling rivalry!"
One day young Cain got angry, and somehow lost his head
Took out his Colt revolver and filled Abel full of lead!
- Adam was the first man, Eve she was a mother
Cain was a wicked man because he slew his brother
Samson was a strong man, Noah built the Ark
Jonah was a fisherman got swallered by a shark
- The good book says Cain killed his brother Abel,
He hit him on the head with a leg of the table;
Than along came Jonah in the belly of the whale,
The first submarine boat that ever did sail.
- Methuselah was crabby 'cause he couldn't take a joke
He had all the makings of an old and seedy bloke
His whiskers got so long that he couldn't see ahead
If he'd tucked in all the covers he could have used them for his bed!
- Methuselah got famous, for he refused to die
"When ya gonna croak?" they asked, he answered, "Bye and bye!"
And when they pressed him for the date, Methuzy whispered "Hush!"
Then laughing thru his whiskers, he hollered "What's the rush?"
- Onan, son of Judah, was a melancholy kid;
He'd jerk and jerk and jerk and jerk, and that was all he did.
But the Lord got angry, when Onan shunned his mate
So awfully hipped on self-abuse, he wouldn't fornicate!
- Noah was a mariner who sailed around the sea
With half a dozen relatives and a big menagerie
With half a dozen wives and a big menagerie;
He failed the first season when it rained for forty days
For in that kind of weather no circus ever pays
- Noah was a circus man, he had a great big tent
He floated it and sailed away to a far-off continent
He landed all the animals that he had gathered in
But the too confinding public was a drowned in their sin
- Noah was the keeper of the Asiatic zoo
H built an ocean liner when he hadn't much to do
One day he got excited when the sky was getting dark
So he gathered all the animals and put them in the ark.
- Noah was a carpenter, went walking in the dark,
Tumbled on a lumber pile and built himself an ark,
Called in the animals, two by two,
The hip-hip-o-potamus and Kick-kangaroo.
- Noah was a blind man who stumbled in the dark,
He tripped upon a hammer and he built himself an ark.
He summoned all the animals, they boarded two by two:
A hippocatapotamus and a rhinokangaroo.
- Along came Noah walkin' in the dark
He stumbled over a hammer and buit himself an Ark
In came the animals two by two
The Hippokangaramus and the Hippokangaroo
- The Lord said that man's ways were getting mighty dark,
along came Noah and built himself an ark.
Then came the animals two by two,
the lions and the tigers and the kangaroos.
- Then down came Peter, the Keeper of the Gates,
He came down on cheap excursion rates;
Then along came Noah a-stumblin' in the dark,
He found a hatchet and some nails and built himself an ark.
- In came the elephant and in came the bear,
In came the baboon without any hair;
Forty days and forty nights they sailed upon the pond,
And he kicked out the lioness because she was a blonde.
- In came the bamboon, in came the bear
And in came the little dog without any hair
For forty days and forty nights
They sailed upon a pond without any lights
- Forty days and forty nights it rained upon the pond,
Noah kicked the lioness out because she was a blond.
In jumped the monkey to save her as she drowned,
the water closed o'er 'em and they both went down.
- Noah was a carpenter, walking in the dark
Stumbled on a hammer, and built himself an Ark
The rain came down in showers fine
And the Ark sailed away on scheduled time
- Noah was a mariner and sailed around the sea
With half a dozen wives and a whole menagerie
He tried his hand a fishing so the Bible tale confirms
But he didn't have much luck 'cause he only had two worms!
- It rained for forty days and it rained for forty nights
The water washed the land completely out of sight
But when Noah was a-wondering as to what he'd better do
The ark hit Mount Ararat and stuck as tight as glue.
- Noah was an old man who stumbled in the dark
He picked up a hammer and he built himself an Ark
He filed in the animals two by two
He thought he had an Ark but he really had a zoo
judging from the fake dialect used in this verse, it might be one of the originals:
- Lot he lib in Sodom till the peepul drib him away
He was an ondesirable citizen thay say
But just before he left it he set fire to the town
His wife she ketched a hoodoo cause she stopped to look around
- Lot's wife was a woman always curious
This is the tale as it was told to us
One day when she was walking curiosity made her halt
So first she turned to rubber"rubber-neck", and then she turned to salt
- Abraham was a patriarch, the leader of his set
He took his little Ikey out to kill him on a bet
Ikey'd been a goner if it wasn't for a ram
For his daddy had his razor out, and didn't give a damn
- Pharaoh had a daughter with a most bewitching smile
Who found the baby Moses in the rushes by the Nile
She took him to her father, said, I found him on the shore
And the Pharaoh winked his eye and said, I've heard that one before.
She took him to her father who said That's a likely tale,
It's just about as probable as Jonah and the whale
- Pharoah's daughter Miriam, walking by the Nile
Found the infant Moses playing with a crocodile.
She took him home to Father, said she'd found him on the shore
And Pharoah slyly winked and said "I've heard that one before"
- Moses was a Yiddish lad, went sailing in a skiff
Along came Pharoah's daughter and gave the boat a lift
She took him to the palace and she fed him awful grand
Then he led the whole caboodle out into the Promised Land
- Moses was a wise old bird who knew some fancy tricks
The 'gyppos tried some phoney stuff with magic walking sticks
Old Pharoah he pursued him, and the Israelites did flee
But Moses hexed the army, and drowned 'em in the sea!
- Moses was the leader of the Israelitic flock,
He used to get spa water just by tapping on a rock.
But then, from the multitude there came a mighty cheer,
For instead of getting water, he got Foster's Lager beer!
- Pharoah chased the Israelites to try to bring them back,
He saw them walk across the sea without a plastic mac,
Pharoah cried, "Ill do the same, to prove that I'm no mug"
"I'll show these dirty Israelites.Glug-al glug-al glug."
SHADRACH, MESACH & ABEDNEGO
- Shadrak, Meshak, and Abednigo
Wouldn't obey the king, so they had to go
Put 'em in a furnace to burn 'em up like chaff
But their asbestos B.V.D.s gave the king a laugh
- Meshach, Shadrach and Abednego
Told the King of Babylon where he could go
He put them in the furnace, and gave the door a slam
But they wore asbestos BVD's and didn't give a....hoot
- Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego,
The king didn't like them so he said they had to go.
Threw them in a furnace at a thousand degrees...
But they walked right back out - they wore asbestos BVDs!
- Shadrach, Meshach and Abednigo:
The King, he didn't like 'em, so, of course, they had to go.
He threw 'em in his fiery furnace to burn 'em up like chaff.
But they put on asbestos underwear and gave the king the laugh.
- Shadrak was a prophet that was chucked intae the fire,
And expected by the stokers to immediately expire,
When the furnace door was opened the asbestos laddie laughed,
He said "Hey Jimmie, keep it shut, I canny staun the draught"
- Joseph had a coat of many colors which he wore;
His brothers hadn't any and it made them awful sore,
So they took him out walking and they threw him in the sewer,
Then they sent him down to Egypt to take a little tour.
- Joseph was a shepherd and he kept his father's goats,
His daddy used to dress him in the very loudest coats.
His brothers got quite jealous and they threw him in a well.
But Joseph went to heaven and the others went to Hell.
- Joseph was a shepherd lad the Bible stories tell us
His golf coat was so stunning that it made his brothers jealous
So they sold him into Egypt for a small consideration
Where he made a million dollars on a big grain speculation
- Joseph was a pretty boy, a very handsome kid
His boss' wife she eyed him, and straight'way flipped her lid
She grabbed him by his you-know-what, and sat him on her lap
But Joey wouldn't fall for that - he knew she had the clap!
- Now Joey was unhappy in the bowels of the soil,
He lost his pretty rainbow coat because he wouldn't toil.
He hollered, howled, and bellowed until far into the night,
But of course you couldn't see him, for he was out of sight.
- It happened that a caravan was passing by the place,
Laden down with frankincense and imitation lace.
They heard the Sheeny yelling and they pulled him from the well,
If this ain't the proper ending, then you can go to Hell.
- Joshua played the trumpet, so runs the ancient rhyme
He taught the Israelites to play in syncopated time
But when they played in Jericho, their music raised a frown
So he set the boys a'swinging, and the walls come tumbling down
- Joshua was a jazz cat - the greatest ever born
The wall of Jericho fell down when he blew on his horn
Pursuing all his enemies, he made the sun stand still
The sun it wouldn't listen, so he nailed it to a hill!
- Here comes Ruth just looking all around
Just like the girls in my home town
Didn't wear any lipstick, or powder on her nose
But she got a fella, as everybody knows!
- Ruth was a maiden, of the ultra-modern type,
She smoked a lot of funny fags and also tried a pipe,
She hung around the students pubs, and would often give the glad,
But the Band of Hope has saved from going to the bad
- Jonah was a landsman, so runs the Bible tale
Jonah was an emigrant, so runs the Bible tale;
He took a steerage passage on a transatlantic whale
Jonah in the belly of the whale felt quite compressed
He was crowded in the belly and was feeling so compressed
So he pushed a little button and the whale did the rest
- Jonah was a sailorman, so runs the Bible tale
He took a little voyage on a transatlantic whale
He didn't like the cruise, said swimmin' was the best
So he pushed a little button and the whale did the rest
- Jonah was a sailor, so goes the ancient tale.
He crossed the mighty ocean in the steerage of a whale.
But Jonah, he was seasick and the whale, he was oppressed--
So, Jonah pushed a button and the whale, he did the rest.
- Sampson was a strong man of the John L. Sullivan school
Killed a thousand Phillistines with the jawbone of a mule
Now Samson was a hairy man with hairs upon his chest
His chest was so hairy he had no need to wear a vest
Along came Delilah who filled him up with gin
But Delilah captured him and filled him full of gin,
Shaved off his whiskers and the coppers ran him in
They caught him bald headed and the yard-bulls ran him in!
Slashed off his hair and the coppers run him in.
- Samson was a guy from the P.T. Barnum school
He used to lift five hundred pounds as strongman in the show
'Til a lady named Delilah got him all fixed up with gin
They caught him bald-headed and the coppers ran him in!
- But Samson wasn't satisfied, the pace got in his hair
He mooned around when the act was on and set himself a chair
He'd slain ten thousand Philistines with the jawbone of a mouse
But that weight-lift act of Samson's brought down the house!
- Sampson was a husky guy as everyone should know
He used to lift five-hundred pounds as strongman on the show
One week the bill was rotten and the actors had a souse
But the strongman act of Samson's brought down the house
- Samson was a fighter of the very highest class
He killed ten thousand Philistines with the jawbone of an ass
But when his wife Delilah got to work with the shears
He hadn't even got the strength to lift a coupl'a beers.
- Sampson was a mighty man
Do most anything dynamite can
Pushed on the walls and the temple fell
And all the people ran like ...... mad.
- Samson was a strong man he lived on fish and chips,
He walked about the Gallowgate, Picken' up the nips
Samson had a brother, he was strong as well,
When his brother went to heaven, poor Samson went to He..
JACOB & ESAU
- Esau was a cowboy of a wild and woolly make
His father left a farm to him, and half to brother Jake
Esau thought his title to the land was none too clear
So he sold his half to Jacob which was mighty awful queer
So he sold his half to Jacob for a sandwich and a beer
So he sold it all to Jakey for a burger and a beer.
- The prodigal son came home at last, so runs the Bible tale
He gobbled up the fatted calf and washed it down with ale
Your appetite, his father said, astounds me, I confess
I know it, Pop, the lad replied, I've just come home from Mess
DAVID & GOLIATH
- David was a shepherd boy, a plucky little cuss
Along came Goliath a-looking for a fuss
David took a slinky and socked him on the crust
Goliath reeled a couple a times and then he bit the dust
- David was a fighter, and a plucky little cuss;
Along came Goliath a-looking for a muss.
David knew he'd have to fight or he'd bite the dust,
So he up with a pebble and hit him in the crust.
- David was a shepherd, a plucky little cuss;
Along came Goliath and he kicked up a fuss.
David told Goliath to shut it up or die,
Then he picked up a peble and hit him in the eye.
- Goliath was a giant, and he was a rowdy cuss
Went around the countryside, looking for a fuss
When he saw David, he laughed till he bust
Then David heaved a rock and socked him on the crust!
- David was a shepherd boy, his mother's pride and joy
His dad gave him a sling shot; a harmless little toy
Along came Goliath a-lookin' for a fuss
David heaved a cobblestone and caved in his crust.
- David was a shepherd boy, a plucky little cuss;
Along came great Goliath who was looking for a fuss;
Little David took his sling and rocked him on the head,
Goliath couldn't take it and he tumbled over dead.
- Now David played the lyre and he played it rather sweet
He used to play before the King the while he used to eat
But the king was fond of ragtime, which David couldn't play
So the king he bought a phonograph and sent poor Dave away
- David was a Lieutenant, Uriah was a sub.
David saw Uriah's wife in her daily tub.
David sent Uriah to a front-line trench.
Uriah got a hand-grenade and David got the wench.
- Absolom was the hero of many shady tales
His old man was the king, you know, Ab was the Prince of Wales
He wore his whiskers negligeé and wouldn't trim his hair
So he lived in Greenwich Village where nobody seemed to care
- One day he raised a riot to aggrevate his Pa
And was sentenced to the barber shop to satisfy the law
The said that he would have to shave or take the consequence
So he used his hair to hang himself and died in great suspense
- Belshazzer was a plutocrat, the greatest of his day
He drank from golden goblets for to drive dull care away
But Daniel wrote the Volstead Act in letters on the wall
And Belshazzer drank some toddy made from methyl alcohol
- Daniel was a prophet, he wouldn't obey the king
The king said to Daniel, "This is a naughty thing."
Put him in a lion's den with lions down beneath
But Daniel was an artist so he drew the lions' teeth
- Daniel was a hypocrite, he up and sassed the king;
The king said he wouldn't stand for any such a thing.
The king he said he never heard of such a thing
He chucked him down a man-hole with lions down beneath,
But Daniel was a dentist and extracted all their teeth.
- Daniel was a shepherd boy got sassy with the king
The king said he'd stand for no such a thing
Put him in a den with lions underneath
But Daniel was a dentist and he pulled the lions' teeth
- Danielís in the Lions den feeling mighty sad,
The Lions had eaten all the toes that he had ever had,
They put him in a dungeon with the Lions underneath,
But Daniel was a dentist and he pulled the Lionsí teeth.
- Daniel in the Lion's Den, looking mighty sad,
Lions ate the only clothes Daniel ever had
They didn't eat Daniel, it was no bluff
They didn't eat Daniel 'cause he was too tough.
- Solomon was a wise man, he made a lot of cash
The Queen of Sheba came along and Solly made a mash
He must have thought that royalty was rather underpaid
For he took to writing poetry though he was a king by trade
- Solomon was a wise man, as wise as he could be
He taught the Baptist Sunday School like our old man John D.
He used to cut the babies up to keep the family small
And when he died he didn't have a thousand all in all
- Solomon was a wise man, he had a lot of cash
Queen of Sheba came along, and Solly made a mash
I guess he thought that royalty was rather underpaid
For he took to writing proverbs, tho he was a King by trade!
- Solomon and David both led naughty lives
And flirted all the afternoon with other peoples wives;
Until in the evening conscience gave them qualms -
And one wrote the Proverbs and the other wrote the Psalms.
- David and Solomon led most immoral lives,
They mashed about with flirty girls and other people's wives.
Late on their consciences gave them horrid qualms,
So the one wrote the Proverbs and the other wrote the Psalms.
- King Solomon and King David lived merry, merry lives
With many, many lady friends and many, many wives
But when old age came upon them with many, many qualms
Solomon wrote the Proverbs and David wrote the Psalms
AHAB & JEZEBEL
- Ahab had a lively wife whose name was Jezebel,
When looking out the window, to the dogs below she fell.
Jezebel's gone to the dogs, the people told the king;
And Ahab said he'd never heard of such a doggone thing.
- King Ahab had a wife whose name was Jezebel
One day while hanging out the wash from off the roof she fell
Your wife has gone completely to the dogs they told the king
The king he said he never heard of such a doggone thing
- Ahab had a wife, and her name was Jezebel;
She went out in the vineyard to hang the cloths and fell.
She's gone to the dogs, the people told the King,
Ahab said he'd never heard of such an awful thing.
- Jehu had a chariot of ninety-nine horsepower
And drove through Ramoth-Gilead at eighty miles an hour.
He had to use his brakes as he went through Jezreel
'Cause little bits of Jezebel got caught up in the wheel.
- Jehu drove a chariot in the Philistine war,
He graduated later to a Corporation Caur,
And shouting out "C'moan get aff" he drove with fearsome zeal,
Till little bits of Jezebel got tangled in his wheel,
- Jeremiah was a wailer who cried both night and day
He bawled and bawled just bucketsful, and cried his eyes away
They asked him "Whatcha cryin' for?" He grabbed a handkerchief
"The worst, dear friends, has happened: my pecker won't get stiff!"
- Elisha was a prophet and was balder than an egg
A rowdy group of skinheads said they'd rather he was dead.
Such taunts annoyed Elisha and he cursed them then and there
And every single one of them was eaten by a bear.
- Elisha was a prophet whose head was rather bare.
The children cried:"Oh, shiny top, why don't you cut your hair."
This made Elisha angry, so he called his brindled pup;
Which being fond of children, ate the little blighters up.
- Elijah was an astronaut, a very clever flyer
He winged up to heaven in a chariot of fire
But when he reached the Pearly Gates, the Lord began to frown;
"Now listen here, Elijah, just haul those cinders down!"
- Elijah was a prophet and he worked the County Fairs
He advertised his act with a set of dancing bears
He held a sale of prophecies 'most every afternoon
And he went up every evening in a gaudy silk balloon
- Elijah was a prophet bold, he never was afraid
'Tis said he went to Heaven without mortal aid
He fell on a stick of dynamite and red-hot barbed wire
And that's what everybody called a chariot of fire
- Elijah was a prophet of credit and renown,
He owned a travelling circus which he took from town to town.
He prophesied successfully most every afternoon
and later he ascended in a patent fire balloon.
- Salome was a dancer and she danced before the king
She wiggled and she waggled and she shook most everything
The king tells Salome, "We'll have no scandal here!"
"The hell we won't!" Salome said, and kicked the chandelier
- Salome was a chorus girl, she did the hoochie-cooch.
She wasn't very modest and she didn't wear too mooch.
The king was very thirsty and he said, "Get me some beer!"
"The Hell with you!" Salome said, and kicked him in the rear.
- Salome was a chorus girl who had a winning way,
She was the star attraction in King Herod's Cabaret,
Although you can hardly say discretion was her rule,
She's the favourite Bible figure in the Gertrude Hoffman school.
- Salome was a dancer, she danced the hoochy-kooch.
She made a hit with Herod, 'cause she didn't wear too mooch.
Said Herod, "Salome, dear, you'll raise a scandal here."
Said Salome, "I don't give a [darn]," and kicked the chandelier.
- In the land of Babylon when Belshazar was king,
He cried, "Ah'll no obey the Lord, I'm gaunny have ma fling,"
He knew his fling was over and he cried, "All flesh is grass,"
When he saw the writing on the wall "Persians Ya bass"
JOHN THE BAPTIST
- John was a Baptist, whose look was hot as fire
He took one look at Salome and filled her with desire
She propositioned Johnny, but he wouldn't go to bed
So Johnny lost that piece of tail, and also lost his head!
- The Romans they were scrappy guys, they must have come from Yale
They captured old Jerusalem and stuck the Jews in jail
The devil had to bail them out, it cost an awful stack
And now they peddle calico to pay the money back
- Annanias dodged his taxes 'cause he didn't want to pay
He fixed it up with Sophie and he told her what to say
But they got a little nervous and they couldn't throw the bluff
So they bury Annanias and they confiscate the stuff
- Jesus had a problem, how to feed five thousand folk,
Would he have a runnin' buffet, or a purvey in a poke,
He turned to the disciples, says, "What do you think they'd wish,"
Andrew says "It's Friday Lord, ye'll have tae gie them fish"
- Christ went to a waddin' in the Galilee Hotel,
There wisnae any liquor, things were lookin' far from well,
Christ went tae the water tank and cried "Oh help me Fadder"
The cauld tap ran wi' VP wine, the hot wi' Eldorada,
- Paul was a salesman who travelled far and wide
But tho he was a bachelor, he never went for hide
He scorned every female, and preached that sex was out
And 'twas all because Paul's peter was afflicted with the gout!
- There are plenty of these Bible tales, I'll tell you more tomorrow
How Lot with the wife and family fled from Sodom and Gomorrah
But his wife turned to salt, to her very great dismay
And Lot moved out to the suburbs of L.A.!
But his wife she turned to rubber and got stuck on the spot,
And became a salty monument and missed the happy Lot.
- Now, good folks, we've told you all the dope;
We're sure we've done you lots of good, at least, that's what we hope.
Methuselah wrote these very words when he was but a youth,
And we have it from the old boy that every word's the truth!